She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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