im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
