I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
