dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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