once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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