living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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