she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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