I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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