you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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