I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
