i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
