Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
