How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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