but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
