apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
cat food counts as protein by the way
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
True college students do jello shots in the library
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
