I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.