Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize