Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu

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  (248): @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu <3 (1-248): please stop breathing. http://tfl.nu/7uu5
  Replies (36) Good night (816) Bad night (5067)
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  (347): View more from New York

  A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm

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  (347): A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm http://tfl.nu/q9qn
  Replies (13) Good night (3251) Bad night (1198)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

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  (727): i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats. http://tfl.nu/tu2s
  Replies (17) Good night (4679) Bad night (1684)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?

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  (915): at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes? http://tfl.nu/vnu1
  Replies (3) Good night (2607) Bad night (1475)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.

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  (973): I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/b0w0
  Replies (4) Good night (2521) Bad night (1262)
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  (550): View more from

  I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas

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  (550): I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas http://tfl.nu/h91s
  Replies (1) Good night (1406) Bad night (610)
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  (516): View more from New York

  PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.

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  (516): PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated. http://tfl.nu/z915
  Replies (4) Good night (1469) Bad night (545)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.

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  (479): That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story. http://tfl.nu/a5zg
  Replies (2) Good night (1600) Bad night (652)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed

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  (630): the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed http://tfl.nu/eaof
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (1677)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.

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  (512): Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??" (1-512): Yeah no more flaming everclear shots. http://tfl.nu/vc2f
  Replies (11) Good night (944) Bad night (1551)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.

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  (970): I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed. http://tfl.nu/hmgx
  Replies (10) Good night (595) Bad night (1555)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.

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  (307): We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying. http://tfl.nu/19ej
  Replies (2) Good night (1495) Bad night (387)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?

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  (+44): So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff? http://tfl.nu/24fo
  Replies (2) Good night (434) Bad night (731)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM

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  (715): Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM http://tfl.nu/1p5l
  Replies (5) Good night (847) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.

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  (408): I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes. http://tfl.nu/ob7s
  Replies (3) Good night (628) Bad night (267)

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