You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
