i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
