Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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