AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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