Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
