she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
