Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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