Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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