why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
