i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
