I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
