dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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