how do flat chested girls get laid?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
