at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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