Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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