It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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