I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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