I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
