please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
