his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
