get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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