I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
