So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
