We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
