It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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