The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
