he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
