2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
