I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
