I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
