Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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