When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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