i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
