i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
