we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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