Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
