@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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