4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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