i just wanna soil my oats bro
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
