You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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