Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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