Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
