I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
