I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He did a backflip because drugs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
