I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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