did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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