Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
