Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
