he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
