its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I pour the whiskey from now on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
