ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
