well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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