You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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