What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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