Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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