"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
