that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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