Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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