Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
