Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
