Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
