I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
