we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
