So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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