We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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