Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
