i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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