She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i permit you to call me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
