Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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