this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
