Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
