This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
