yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
