The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
